This is an extremely long post. This is the story of how I found out I was pregnant. It has actually taken me months to write. Some parts were hard to write, and I had to stop for a week or so before continuing. Other parts I struggled to find the words on how to share. In any case, this is Eva's story. I hope you can make it through the whole thing!
Early in September of 2012, I woke up with a nagging pain in my lower right abdomen. I brushed it off, thinking it would go away. I finished getting ready for work, kissed hubby goodbye, and drove to work. While training my first client, the pain started to get worse, and I began to feel very nauseous. I actually had to ask the other trainer to take over my client midway through the session. I ran to the office and threw up in the trash can.
My brain started sifting through all the possibilities as to what could be wrong with me. It didn't feel like cramps, it felt different than a stomach virus, and it wasn't a pulled muscle. I began to fear that my appendix was rupturing. I did a quick Dr. Google search, and appendicitis was on the list of possibilities. It also said I would need immediate treatment. I began the process of phoning my boss and clients to tell them I was headed to the ER. I drove myself to Mercy while I called my Mom on the phone. I filled out some paperwork and was admitted. The techs and nurses immediately put in a hep-lock, took my vitals, and asked me detailed questions about my pain and medical history. Eventually, a resident came in to poke and prod the area, which didn't feel as bad while I was laying down. I began to question my 30 second Dr. Google self diagnosis.
First thing she had me do was give a urine sample for a pregnancy test. Pregnant? Yeah right, I thought. I sat there waiting in the hospital bed for what seemed like hours (probably like 10 minutes). What's taking them so long? I couldn't be pregnant . . . not possible . . . could I be? What will Andy say if I am? I was terrified. Finally, the doctor came back in and told me the test came back negative. The next step was to do a CT scan. I was wheeled through the halls to the imaging room, and was given an IV push of some radioactive material that made my insides glow :) It only took about 60 seconds total. I got wheeled back to my room to wait the results.
Good news was that my appendix was fine. Bad news was that I had ovarian cysts and one had ruptured. That's what was causing me the pain. Since the doctor in charge wasn't an OBGYN, she said that she could refer me to one of their OB's or I could follow up with mine. She advised me to get an ultrasound done to look more in depth at the cysts. I opted to go see my regular OB and set up an appointment the following day. I'm not gonna lie, I left the hospital feeling a little silly and guilty. I felt dumb for going to the emergency room for just a ruptured cyst thinking it was something deadly like appendicitis. Shame on me for checking Dr. Google.
The next day, I went to my OB's office. First thing they did was make me take another pregnancy test! This time, I knew it was negative since I just took one the day before. However, as I was waiting for the results, I couldn't help but starting to think 'what if?' It wasn't as scary as it was the day before. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I was pregnant. I always wanted kids, I just had always pictured them a few years down the road. Turns out, the test was negative again. I went in for the ultrasound, and they confirmed a ruptured cyst. There were actually 2 more cysts that they could see on the ultrasound, so they documented the results and sent me back to my room to wait for my OB. My OB wasn't concerned over the results and simply said that sometimes changing birth controls would make the cysts go away on their own. She told me to finish out my month's pack of pills and then get the new prescription filled for October. Easy peasy!
October approaches, and I get my new prescription filled. After being on the new prescription for about a week, I noticed some spotting over the weekend. I didn't take my pill for 2 days and called my OB. She said it was normal and most likely nothing, but to call her if it got worse. I resumed taking my pills daily. The week comes when I am supposed to get my 'aunt flow,' but nothing happens. I assumed it was my new pills. After 2 days with no sign of anything, I decided to take a pregnancy test. After taking 2 tests the previous month, I really didn't think there was any way I could possibly be pregnant. However, I decided to take one anyway. I think this was on Halloween actually. I stared at the test for 2 minutes. Immediately the first line appeared…. slowly but faintly a second line appeared. I was in disbelief. How could this have happened? Maybe the new pills I was on were messing with my hormone levels? What do I do now? I'm not sure if I was excited, in awe, freaked out, scared, or all of the above. I hadn't even told Andy I was taking a test yet. I decided to wait until the next day, and take another test. Another positive. I immediately woke up Andy to tell him the news. I honestly don't think he believed me. Two days later, I took 2 more tests. Both came back positive.
After our initial shock, denial, and anxiety wore off, we were excited. Clueless as to what our next steps were, we decided to inform my family at our weekly family dinner. I wanted to do something special, but didn't have much time to think of anything before it was time to leave. I decided that on our way, we would pick up a yellow balloon from the grocery store. We tied it around our puppy Apollo's collar and wrote, "I'm going to be a big brother" on it. We let him run inside our parents house and announce the big news to everyone. Funny thing is, no one understood what it meant! They all thought we were buying another puppy! Finally, they understood the REAL meaning and got excited. The next few days were a whirlwind. Every night I would lay in bed thinking how crazy it was that there was another human being growing inside of me. I scheduled an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and hopefully find out a due date! I hated the OB I was originally seeing, so I scheduled the ultrasound at a medical clinic in St. Louis instead of my regular doctor. I knew I wanted to switch doctors for the pregnancy, but didn't know who I wanted to go to yet.
The day arrived that I would go for the ultrasound. My mom came with me because Andy was working that day. The tech put the goo on my stomach and started looking around with the ultrasound machine. She showed me my bladder, my ovaries, my uterus, and my cysts. Everything except my baby! After 10 minutes, she turned the machine off and requested to do an internal ultrasound. She told me that it was probably too early in the pregnancy to get a clear picture from the outside. I consented, and she began an internal viewing. Still nothing. At this point, I was in shock. What the heck was going on with my body? The nurse had me go give a urine sample so they could do another pregnancy test. We find out the test is negative. How could this happen, I wondered? What happened to my baby? How could I have gotten 3 positive tests and now a negative? None of the nurses wanted to say the word "miscarriage." I didn't want to say it either, but my brain was screaming it at me. The nurses were all so kind and so sympathetic. They told me to call any of them if I had any questions or concerns. I just wanted to get out of the building as fast as possible. I kept my composure, not quite understanding how I felt at the time. Even though this baby wasn't a "planned" pregnancy, the moment I found out I was pregnant I loved that baby with all my heart. I knew I would do anything for that baby, and I wanted nothing more than to give it a safe and healthy delivery into this world. Turns out, my body failed me and had other plans.
As my mom drove me home, I texted Andy the news. I couldn't call him because I didn't want to hear his reaction in his voice. If he was sad, it would only make me feel worse. In the off chance that he sounded relieved that I wasn't pregnant, I would feel terribly alone and disconnected. Thousands of questions were running through my mind at that time. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even look outside. I kept thinking I had done something wrong to cause my baby to die. I think my mom understood that I needed some time to process everything that just happened, so she just drove with me in silence. I finally broke down crying and asked the only thing I could think of - "Is this my fault? Did I do something wrong?" All she could do was cry with me and reassure me that I hadn't done anything wrong. If anyone could have understood what I was feeling at that point, it was her. She had struggled with her own miscarriage in the past which led to the adoption of my sister and I. I tried to go over some of the positives and find some good in this outcome, but all I could do was think of how much pain I was in and how crushed I was that I would never meet this baby.
I did some research on miscarriages later on that day. Apparently, there was some heavy bleeding in store for me in the near future. I called my old OB back and explained my situation to her. She said not to resume taking my pills again just yet, in case I was still pregnant. She wanted my body to miscarriage completely before starting birth control again. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I researched online for a new general practitioner. I hadn't been in to the doctor for a check up since I was 18, so I figured I was long over due. Turns out, there was a doctor accepting new patients in the brand new Mercy clinic in our backyard! I scheduled an appointment with her for the next week. I prayed that my blood work would come back healthy, so I would be reassured that my body wasn't the cause of my miscarriage. Everything checked out, and I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. I was relieved because my body and health was great. I was disappointed because I was hoping I was going to find some answers as to why my body miscarried. As I was leaving, I saw a card for an OB who was now accepting new patients within the same building. I decided to schedule my annual "downstairs" appointment with him 2 weeks later.
I arrived at my appointment nervous and scared. I was taken to my exam room, and the nurse began doing a medical history since I was a new patient. During the medical history, I explained the situation from over the past few weeks. I told her that I still had no signs of miscarriage except for the light spotting very early on. She decided that I should take another pregnancy test, just to be sure. I almost objected, since I had already taken so many. I honestly couldn't imagine how this test would show any other result. She told me that it detected smaller levels of HCG in the urine, so I obliged. I came back to the exam room after the test, and the doctor was waiting for me. He had me explain my situation to him all over again. I knew the test would just come back negative, and I figured the doctor would begin my annual exam right then. He said we were going to wait for the test results to come back before the exam. The nurse came in and let the doctor know the results were ready, and he left the room telling me to undress from the waist down and he would be back. It was as if he expected the results to be negative as well, so I might as well get ready for the regular checkup. He came back in, and I knew immediately something was up. He looked at me funny and said, "Well, you might just be having a baby after all!"
Wait... hold the phone... what?! What does "might" mean? Apparently, the test came back positive! He wanted to do an ultrasound to see what was going on. He wheeled in the machine and began looking around inside my abdomen. Low and behold, he smiled and pointed to something on the monitor. It looked like a tiny oval. Almost like a little chicken nugget! He told me that he was 90% positive I had a viable pregnancy, but it could also be a blighted ovum (fertilized egg that does not develop into an embryo). He told me to go to the lab and get my blood drawn that day and then 48 hours later to check to see if my HCG levels were rising. I was completely floored. I was so overjoyed and yet trying not to get my hopes up. Before I left, I asked him how I could possibly be pregnant and why the other ultrasound didn't show anything. He said I was still so very early on in my pregnancy, only about 4-5 weeks at the most. He said I was lucky the urine test even showed up positive. I asked him how I could have had 3 positive tests over a month ago. He said he wasn't sure anything else could cause positive tests except a pregnancy. He explained that sometimes an egg gets fertilized, but never attaches itself to the uterus. This can result in a positive pregnancy test even though you aren't truly pregnant. Most people wouldn't even know this occurred, and simply just have a period a couple days late. I tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying, but I was also anxious to get to the lab. He sent me on my way and told me he would be in touch after my 48 hour results came back. After my blood draw, I called Andy to tell him the news. I still remember that he was excited. And trust me, an excited Andy is hard to come by :)
Our little nugget's very first picture:
I went back for my 2nd blood draw 48 hours later. I waited by my phone all day, expecting my doctor to call the second he received the results. The past 2 days I felt like I was waiting in limbo between the excitement of being pregnant and the devastation of a blighted ovum. He finally called that evening, and said my HCG levels went up! He wanted to confirm the pregnancy with an ultrasound 2 weeks later and also give us a due date! I was bombarded with a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. I really, truly was pregnant! I was going to have a baby of my very own! I was finally going to have a blood relative in my life. I was going to be a mom. My life was going to change forever, although I wasn't sure how much at that point. I was going to get huge. I wasn't going to get to go to sonography school like I had planned. My best friend was going to be a father. Did I truly have a miscarriage before? Maybe the ultrasound tech just didn't know what she was doing. Are we going to be good parents? We are so young and unprepared. And on and on and on.... I could turn my brain off. I would lay awake at night just thinking of the possibilities, full of excitement and anxiety.
I finally got to get an ultrasound done in mid December. I was of course nervous, but very anxious. I wanted to see my growing baby on the screen. It didn't take long for the tech to find the baby and the little heartbeat! It was so exciting, and we were overjoyed. My baby was alive and growing! I was truly pregnant and had less than 8 months before my baby got here. The sent the results over to my OB, and I was given the due date of July 23, 2013.
This is a picture of us when we found out our we were pregnant!
This is the story of our journey to getting pregnant. It was a little emotional and surprising, but totally worth it. I will never know why I got those 3 positive tests when I may or may not have been pregnant. Maybe it was a miscarriage or maybe it was just a fluke. However, I do know that the experience and sorrow I felt during that time made me appreciate every moment of being pregnant. I was so grateful to be pregnant when I know thousands of women struggle with fertility and would give anything to be pregnant no matter what aches, pains, or symptoms they may have to endure. Our precious daughter truly is a miracle! After finding out our little nugget was a
girl, we worked on coming up with a name for her. We had an endless list, but the most fitting name for her was Eva. Eva stems from the name Eve which means "life." We thought this was most appropriate for our situation, and we loved how it flowed with our Sicilian last name! Eva also happened to be the very first name on our girl name list. It was just meant to be!
Thank you for taking the time to get through this long post. Stay tuned for Eva's birth story, coming in the next couple weeks!
